It’s me again, Malora BloodBlind.
I finally found my meal ticket in the form of this nasty bartender skank they call “Maggie the Mermaid.” See, this dark hunk of a Dwarf (clearly not from the Broken Spine) was chatting her up and she mentions some local schmuck named Asumbrus or something is trying to bed some local goblin clan. She gathers a motley crew including this dwarf, a cleric, a ranger and the scrawniest damned blacksmith I ever saw. I leave a truly nasty fart in a far corner and they spot me in my battle raiments. They ask me to tag along on their little quest and I oblige because, after all, my axe is here to deliver justice and eat taters.
And I’m all out of taters.
So we head North for about a day until we find this camp. As the others are rummaging through the camp (presumably for clues, because I know they weren’t stealing) the stinking goblins attack. After we slice the final one neatly in twain, we head into a nearby cave.
The Black Dwarf has to take a dump real bad or something, because he just charges into the cave. Right into a Pit Trap. We fish him out and lay the smack down on a few more goblins and a Gnome or two. Evil is a palpable, thick miasma in this cave. A tasty, tasy miasma, and it’s time to dine.
We find a magic circle and need four people to step in it. I know it’s a trap, but no trap ever springs itself! The cleric is almost too smart for his own good, but the rest of the party follows along well enough. Arrows fly, walls recede, floors collapse, and treasure is eventually found.
Goblins gathered outside the door to our room because someone had to cry like a little girl… you’d think they’d never had a large shaft thrust in their backsides before. Sheesh.
Anyway, I get bored and toss a thunderstone (thanks brother Dwarf!) into the hallway. Then someone threw a smokestick, trying to show me up, I guess. Anyway, we go on to absolutely slaughter this group after I become enlarged (my tits are huge !) and we barely stop a Gnome from escaping. We were built to keep Gnomes from escaping!
So we spend the night barricaded in a conference room with our captive Gnome, then wake up and smack the crap out of him so he’ll talk. I have to take a piss, so I leave the cave and when I come back, I see a small form lying on the ground. I think it’s the Dwarf, so I help him up, but it’s the Gnome who thinks I am nice to it on purpose. What the hell, I’ll roll with it.
I take him up to another room away from the rest of the party and ask where his master is. He doesn’t tell me. I get bored with talking and leave him alone upstairs. Then the little bugger escapes on us!
Some day I will get revenge on that little guy for being evil and escaping my grasp. …But not today. Today I got me some taters.